Most of us have been fortunate enough to have come across the wonderful world of the magic bullet on Saturday afternoon infomercials. We love the playful interaction of all the folks who happen to congregate at the home of a non-threatening Englishman: Berman the lovable drunk, the young couple dressed for a cocktail party, the busy mother, and of course, the ever-entertaining Hazel, a frumpy old woman who dangles a rubber cigarette from her mouth as she offers pithy commentary on the goings-on.
"Chopping garlic! Stinky, nasty garlic!"
Either by some incredibly fortuitous coincidence -- or more likely, by the dizzying versatility of the amazing machine in front of him -- we witness the Englishman find a way to solve all of their problems with one incredible tool: the Magic Bullet!
Fade back into the relative grayness of our lives. Here, we chop with a tool. We puree with another. Our minutes (minutes!) are filled, occupied incessantly with myriad appliances. Our backs sting from the whip of these time-consuming demands, but here and there we steal a moment or two to ponder longingly on the legend of our youth, that beautiful tale of convenience and ease that washed over us like a warm bath after morning cartoons...
Still, in this vain, cruel world, we find ourselves in doubt...
Is the Magic Bullet just a dream? A psychological placebo? The final sprite left in Pandora's box that keeps us trudging onward, but ultimately too fine a thing for this vale of tears? "Beauty too rich for use, for earth too dear"?
Well, my friends! I fell through the looking glass yesterday when I chanced upon the hallowed thing in a Costco in New Jersey! Prometheus-like, I brought it to the mortal realm, and gathered my friends round. With faith abundant, I began a smoothie party not unlike that demonstrated by the infomercial:
Each of my several guests enjoyed their own color-coded mugs, filled to the brim with their individualized smoothies, each made in ten seconds or less!
I beg your patience with the relative gap in enthusiasm of this next group. Surely, they did not understand the awesome significance of what they were experiencing!
(especially Bert in the middle there)
My friends, I am happy to report that the Magic Bullet is every bit as magical as you had hoped in your wildest dreams! All is well with the world!
As I sign off, I see one chronic upstager's floating cat and raise him a cat on a keyboard in space!
14 comments:
You finally did it! You have been talking about getting a magic bullet for years and the day has finally arrived. I have seen that commercial hundreds of times and I still laugh every time I see it. Wish I could have been there to enjoy that wonderful moment of the magic bullet. Should I get one? Is it a must?
Mother's Day is coming and if it is a must then I know exactly what Devon can get me. :)
OHH! I was saving that cat in space (not to be confused with keyboard cat)! It's one of my favorite YTMND's of all time. But all's fair in love and war, I suppose. Great post, it appears you've been boning up on your greek mythology to take the blogosphere to a whole new level. You've now got to try and make microwavable nacho cheese with your bullet. that's the most mind-blowing part of the infomercial in my opinion. I mean, it's microwave safe?!?!
"Dinner! Always a production!" Not for you! Congratulations! That's a huge climb up the ladder of luxury. And tell Bert to get on the train! All smug acting like his color coded comfort lip ring is no biggie...pulease.
Devon and Alicia! Thank you for commenting on my blog. Magic Bullet-related question for you: when I lived "out West" I remember enjoying on several occasions a most delicious pina colada at your home; what was the recipe for this wonderful concoction? Can you be specific with measurements?
Many thanks!
Greg-dawg, yes, there are at four literary allusions for my readers' intellectual consumption, but I don't think they were forced.
Oh, and Al, of course I would recommend a bullet to anyone, or to anyone's spouse. At Costco, it cost about as much as shipping would have ($45 to be exact), and came with a free blender!
I don't know why you would end with that keyboard cat, when the one gregan referred to is exponentially more awesome. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J---aiyznGQ, because I know how the family can be). Still, I appreciate this post and it doubles the guilt I felt about not blogging just earlier today. Now where are those pills...?
There is an infinite number of keyboard cats -- each endearing in their own special way -- and an infinite number of future blog posts.
This is not a coincidence.
Entertaining post, as always, Kryn. Even though I usually have to read most of your sentences twice to make sure I understood all of the vocab. :) Hmm. The magic bullet. Now you've got me thinking...
Okay, I just clicked on the 'cat' link and am laughing my guts off. So freakin' stupid, yet so freakin' hilarious.
Very, very cute... (I can say that because I'm a mom). Magic Bullet could hire you to do their infomercials! Well done, well done... It made my day! :)
great cat video. Maybe I should jump on the YMNTD train, it seems to get the best results. What a magical bullet! Is it true you can do nacho cheese or was gregan kidding? I appreciate the mythology too.
Phineas, it really, truly does make nacho cheese. And cream of broccoli soup, and omelets, and on and on!
Thanks for your pina colada recipe, Dev! It will be put to good use...
I feel so, so, sooo. I have never seen a magic bullet advertisement; I don't know what YMNTD means; I only caught half of the Greek mythology and literary allusions (though well placed and definitely not forced); and I didn't get the pina colada recipe. I want to go to Costco to buy this magical blender/microwave machine but no name was offered the reader. All I got was a cat enjoying quite lively music. Oh, and I also got hungry. I want soup.
Poor poppa!
The name was said several times: The Magic Bullet. I linked to the official site! It is not a microwave, but you may use a microwave to warm up what you have pureed / blended / mixed, etc. YTMND is an excellent website devoted to short productions of a sometimes absurd nature.
I recommend watching the infomercial; you can see it on youtube, though they have taken some of the most memorable bits (e.g. Hazel's "Dinner! Always a production!" line) out.
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