Phillies Draft Micelli!

That's my school district!

The VonGrinny Philly Skinny...

"Cause I know everything about...living free!!!

Yes I can see you girl can...you see me?!?"

As I sit here listening to Wolfmother, enjoying my first free evening in many moons with my newly installed internets, I find myself just a little bit distracted for having neglected that most sacrosanct of responsibilities, that of chronicling my every move for my family. What will they do if they don't know, for example, that I just finished my second-to-last packet of craisins (thanks, mom!)? Or that I have finally purchased my first mini-fridge?

These things are as important to them as they are to me.

And then there are the kudos which have not been doled as they ought to have been. Amy, for birthing a human child. Merin, for being born like a champ. Kindy and Marty, for having a honeymoon they both liked. Marty, for mowing down the competition and landing that job. Mom, for having three things in a row that are fun for her. Tressa, for whipping multiple sclerosis' sorry derriere. Keaton, for that trippy eye thing. And on and on and on!! All, please do consider this my belated kudos doling.

There really is too much to say about the last month and a half to even try. So I will probably write what comes to mind, and leave the rest for when you come and visit me.

Visit me? Yes, in Philadelphia! All of the Teach For America folks that came here for training (we taught summer school for the past five weeks) were always like, "oof! we can't wait to get out of this stinking city!" (so that they could return to such utopias as Baltimore, presumably).

It's true the subway looks and smells like a rotting carcass, I do concede. But overall, I have been surprised at how easy it has been for me to love Philly. It is my kind of city. It has a lot of great character, architecture, and cool city stuff, without being all full of itself like NY or DC.

It is a great place to have been teaching. But teaching was killer, and I mean killer, killer, killer. Maybe the hardest part was the sleep deprivation, staying up until the wee hours writing lesson plans. But it was happy work, and good for me. I have concluded that to be a healthy person, you need to be accountable to other people in a meaningful way, which you people with your own families probably take for granted more than you should. Anyway, teaching has that in spades, and I really dig it.

During summer school, I taught eighth-grade science (mostly matter, physical/chemical changes, etc.) at South Philadelphia High School (pictured above). It is a school/neighborhood with a lot of challenges. The school is really too hot for class (no AC), and in disrepair in quite a few ways. The school has a tense feel to it, with metal detectors and bars on the windows and doors; the toilets have no stalls around them in order to prevent drug-dealing. They are things for which I can see the rationale, but which must take their toll on the morale of the students. Also, we had a really rough time right in the middle of the session when a student attending summer school was killed in a shooting, whom some of my kids knew.

All that considered, it has been really impressive to meet some of the teachers, administrators, and students who don't make excuses in the pursuit of a good education. "YES WE CAN!" reminds a huge mural of Obama in one hallway. "No excuses" will be one of the keys to making this teaching thing work, I think: not letting my bleeding heart make excuses for my students, and not letting my own inadequacies make excuses for my initial failures as a teacher.

So, during teaching they had us in the Temple University dorms, roomed in alphabetical order. Alex Alton was placed with me in the same room because of his last name, but it is a heck of a coincidence, because he was one of only a handful BYU alums.

On August 1st teaching ended, and I moved into my South Philly rowhouse with him and two other guys after much ado and many deadends, apartment hunting. But it is a great place. I have a deck! We have a cool little neighborhood place across the street that sells funnel cake, ice cream and water ice (this last a true Philly classic).

You all need to come see me. Even with four guys here, there is plenty of space for all of you to come and stay at once, if you wanted. Really! I would post my address, but that seems like one of those things only stupid people do. But it is a little south of South Street and west of Broad Street, near Center City.

Now we will start our certification process with the University of Pennsylvania next week (college courses, basically), and then start teaching at the beginning of September. I still don't know where I will be teaching, which is very frustrating.

I will leave you with a satisfying "what the...?" moment from my classroom this last summer:

VonGrinner, trying to set up a conceptual help to reading a phase diagram: "Does anyone know what a goblet is?.....yes, Kareem?"

Kareem, one my best students: "It's an animal that flies through the air and eats dead possums."

[short pause]

VonGrinner: "uh........."

Interim

As most of you probably know, I have decided to become a teacher with Teach for America. I will begin training in Philadelphia at the end of June, and will start teaching at the beginning of this fall, as a teacher in the Philly School District.

So with what is VonGrinner filling his days while he waits to begin training?

I am working at a vitamin factory where I do the most hilariously inane things every day. For example, my first day, they had me sit on a barrel and they poured all of these capsules (pills, you know) in front of me. My job was to look at the pile, and find any that were cracked or bent, and throw them away. When I felt like I had gotten them all, they would move the pile away, and pour more pills for me to stare at.

My second day, I went into this sealed-off room and poured a bright yellow-orange powder (to become Trigosamine) into barrels. It filled the air, turned my clothes and hair and fingernails and eyelashes school-bus yellow-orange. And eyebrows. I felt like a sneetch; you know how they go into the contraption and get stars upon thars, or get their stars off? And they're yellow? Well, I went into a contraption, and while I have no star upon me, I was turned yellow. Therefore I felt like a sneetch, and Sabinsa is McMonkey McBean, laughing all the way to the bank, having profited from my unnatural transformation.


Also, I am donating plasma, which has been fine, except yesterday they left the needle just hanging in me for like twenty minutes after my essence had already been withdrawn, so I was just sitting there, feeling my skin heal around the syringe, and seeing my blood dry in the tube. It did give me the opportunity to see Paul Blart, Mall Cop, almost to the end.

Also, I am supposably studying for the GRE, which I take this Friday.

Q&A -- a Proud Blogging Tradition!

1st Q: What is VonGrinner going to do after his upcoming graduation?

He is seriously considering going into a witchcraft vocational school. Or massage therapy.

2nd Q: Why does he keep talking to people (his momma, poppa, Tressa) about education?

Because they all work in education. Sometimes things get all awkward, and you just want to fill the space. They know what I'm talking about.

3rd Q: Why does VonGrinner have a Philadelphia cityscape behind his name on his blog?

He put that up when he was a vegetarian, and thinking lustfully about cheese steaks.

4th Q: I get the feeling you are not showing due respect for my questions.

That's not a question! WTF?!?

5th Q: Now I'm on number five, and I'm not going back to questions until you take this seriously.

All right, all right! Sheesh! Questions four and five constitute an outrageous departure from Q&A protocol, and I shall never speak of them again. Questions two and three, and possibly one, can be answered with a simple three-word answer.

6th Q: Which is?

That's better! Teach for America.

7th Q: How long have you been at this? Are you accepted?

I am. I've been in the application process for like three months.

8th Q: City, grade level, subject?

Philadelphia (my first choice!), tentatively "secondary general science."

9th Q: Are you really qualified to teach science?

Do you really think it's wise to ask me that [shows fists]?

10th Q: You smell like mayonnaise.

You're on thin ice, young man.

11th Q: I mean...you smell like mayonnaise?

hmm....better...

12th Q: Isn't your major English?

Yes, but English is not in as high demand. Also, I applied for bilingual teaching, and I passed their Spanish exam. From that time on, I suspected they would go to one of my minors (Chemistry or, improbably, International Development), because you can not teach English in Spanish. In contrast to English teachers, both science and bilingual teachers are in high demand.

13th Q: This is the unlucky question. Does this mean you are going to be teaching in Spanish?

You are an incurable dork, and I am embarrassed for your mother. I would not know about Spanish until I have my "placement," i.e., my particular school assignment.

14th Q: Does this mean you would finally be done with (your own) school?!

No. As I am not certified, I would be concurrently enrolled at the University of Pennsylvania, and after my two-year commitment, receive a master's degree in education.

15th Q: Isn't that the Ivy League school no one has ever heard of?

Yep! Motto: "expensive obscurity." But it was founded by Ben Franklin, rather than some no-name monks in medieval England, like some schools I could mention.

16th Q: Are you going to do it?

Undecided. Leaning yes, especially if witchcraft doesn't work out for me (awaiting my OWL results).

17th Q: Where can I get more of this Q&A goodness??

I find this is an informative place to start.

Easter! Eat'er! Eat who? An animal made of meat!

Boy, I tell you, those grabby headlines are not as easy as they look.

Tomorrow, as you may know, is Easter. That means today marks the end of Lent. For those of you who may not have heard, I decided to observe Lent this year, as I was starting to run out of things to blog about.

But what to give up? Well, I have had a long line of vegetarian roommates, and I was always like, "what's that about?" so I went vegetarian for Lent. Now, as I reflect on 40 days of getting my protein from just eating eggs (I wasn't that hard-core) and beans, I find myself slightly more enlightened.

Like, for example, you know when we vegetarians say, "that looks so barbaric" when you have a slab of sirloin or BBQ sandwich on your plate? That is because it smells so freaking good. It is a survival tactic, like in high school when you told the hottest girl you knew she looked fat so that you would kind of be on equal footing. You are sparring with your natural predator and telling him things that aren't true so that he feels self-conscious.

Anywho, it will be good to be back among my carnivorous comrades once more...let the ravenous rumpus start!!

aarrwwooooo!! w-w- arwooooo!!

Adiós, MBM!!

In the spirit of nostalgia so thick close to graduation time, I thought I'd report on the end of an era in the VonGrinner story. Yesterday, Friday April 3, was my last graduation with MicroBusiness Mentors. Here's the program for the event, which is wrinkly----------------->

It was my eighth graduation with MBM, as I have worked with them for three years (the first two semesters as Director of Training). It was held at Dixon Middle School, where we've also held the classes since outgrowing Centro Hispano last December.

I added the program because I think I will want to remember the names of the people I worked with; I have already lost touch with some of the earliest MBM'ers. The staff is on the left side, under "special thanks to," with the exception of Teresa Taveres, who is Director of Centro Hispano, and Warner Woodworth, who is the founder.

When I first got involved in September of 2006, our first semester we managed to put together one Spanish class of eight or so graduates. We have worked hard and grown quickly, such that yesterday we had 33 graduates from our two Spanish classes and one English class. Clients hailed from all over Latin America, the United States, Asia, and even one from Saudi Arabia (Fawaz on the program).

Most of you must know what MBM is by now, right? We give business training for ten weeks (the right-hand column of the staff are the "Trainers"), and then people who have constructed a viable business plan under the Training Department's tutelage can be eligible for a small loan. We also give support to them during their business development, with an alumni network and mentors from the business community, as well as monthly meetings (where they also make payments on their loans).

We are old enough now that we are starting to see second and third loans go out for further growing successful businesses. That's the case with Danilo and Zobeida (pictured below), whose recent loan was used to buy this pallet-making machine. Before, they were making them by hand, and had more orders than they could fill. Cool, eh? I talked about them yesterday in the speech.
Well, Devon just called, and I am late for a very important date, evidently. It's just as well, as this is getting more detailed than a conscientious blogger ought to blog. I'll update later with pictures from the graduation.

**UPDATE**

As promised:

(click to enlarge)

We've Arrived!!

Nothing really happening in my life except for finals, but I am glad to see that the LDS Church has fully come of age in American society. You know you've hit the big time when you are indicted with the CIA, the Jooooos, and Bushitler for masterminding 9-11.

Some choice excerpts:

"The establishment of a branch of Brigham Young University in Israel created a legitimate front for covert activities of the secret/CIA element of the church"

"Being pre-informed if not directly involved in the plans for destroying the Twin Towers as well as Building 7 on September 11, 2001 is demonstrated by official advice given to Mormons working in the World Trade Center to not show up for work that day"

Thank goodness for "official advice!"

Gregan will appreciate these two:

"The nexus between the church and the Bush Administration has been documented by the pressure placed on the church from a personal visit by Bush to church headquarters in Salt Lake City prior to the forced retirement of BYU physics professor Steven Jones in late 2006. Jones was/is in the forefront of scientifically establishing a conspiracy to destroy the World trade Center by pre planted explosives."

"Secret elements of the church conspired with the CIA to overthrow democratically elected president Allende of Chile"

The truth will out! You know this guy is legit, as his credentials (listed at the end of the article) are in all-caps.

So I was wondering, as a soon-to-be-graduated senior with considerable language experience and nowhere particular to go, do you reckon the secret/CIA element of the Church will have a booth at General Conference?

Macbeth at the HFAC

So, I attended Macbeth at the Harris Fine Art Center’s Pardoe Theatre for the Saturday afternoon matinee. Barta Lee Heiner’s adaptation benefits from generally good acting and very good lighting and sound. While I feel that some of the conceptual considerations are perhaps ill-considered, and the sword choreography a little too careful, I hereby recommend the overall experience.

The actor Hank Florence is especially good in his role as the towering, mad-eyed Macbeth character (named in the production Mabett’). At times his ferocity dominates the stage, and it is easy to sense that the fear of the other characters is not altogether artificial. And if not, who could blame them? From my third-row seat, I could see that the blows and spittle he doled out upon his pitiable comrades (including a totally snot-endowed logy on a guy right after he murders him) were real enough! Brighton Hertford’s Lady Mabett’ is good because she's intense, and good-looking. I found myself rubbing my own hands on my trousers, trying to rid myself of a stain no one else could see…

Not really.

The approaches towards depicting a ghost (bleached out spotlighting, broken up) and the witches’ séance-like relay of prophetic information (a lower-octave echo of the dialogue) were really pretty reminiscent of other productions on stage and film. Think Lady Galadriel in her possessed state pursuant to Frodo’s offer of the Ring in The Lord of the Rings, and you're pretty much right on the money for both effects. However, the execution was such that this lack of innovation was immediately forgivable.

All right, now to account for the snickers you all snickered upon seeing the picture. Yes, Heiner has chosen to set her Macbeth in Mesoamerica. Like many theatre-goers, I am one who generally prefers to take his Shakespeare black, and this really seemed like a disaster waiting to happen (am I right?) but I went with an open mind. Surpringly, the concept actually worked for me in a few ways; for instance, the costuming of the assassins and other evildoers – faces and bodies etched with tattoos, hair long and unruly, scant clothing revealing skin usually glistening with the fresh blood of victims – gives them an aura of barbarism that worked well with their characters. The costume designers borrowed liberally from Mel Gibson's Apocalypto, and so the characters seemed to share that same bone-cracklin' blood spurtin' heritage. Is that how Indians really are, btw? I'm glad so we have artists to keep us culturally up-to-speed, you know?

However, in other ways, the Mesoamerican setting came off gimmicky. This was especially true with changes to titles (king becomes “chief judge”) and, of course, the pseudo-Mesoamericanization of character and place names. The best-laid plans of the director notwithstanding, these obvious detours from the poetic Shakespearean dialogue are distracting. Furthermore, the costuming of the Macduff (Madach’) and other “good” characters was a little too reliant on the fur-laden, Arnold Friberg-inspired Nephi archetype to evince much depth.

It's pretty clear that if all these people are living in the same environment, somebody is really inappropriately dressed.

Things you'll notice: There are buckets upon buckets of blood in this play, and there is even a really excellent severed head at the end, which characters talk about as if he's a regular person and which was groty enough to inspire a collective gasp from the audience. Also, Macbeth gives one of the best speeches of all time, from which the title for William Faulker's Sound and the Fury comes.

The matinee is just $8.00 for all comers (even non-students/faculty); the night show is $11.00 for BYU students, $15.00 for everyone else. The production will continue at the Pardoe Theatre until April 3, 2009.

What is a VonGrinner, Anyway?

VonGrinner started his sojourn in life around St. Crispin's Day, in the year of the flood in Salt Lake City.

Like St. Crispin, VonGrinner has spent time in the hexagon itself. He parlers francais and hablars espanol.

Like Crispin, VonGrinner suffers from cockamamie ideas of saving the world, and hopes that all ends at least as well.

Just as Crispin's name is derived from the Roman (Latin) Crispus, meaning "curly-haired" or "curly-headed," VonGrinner has a decidedly windy frock.

Latin you say? Funny, VonGrinner was metaphorically raped by that fine language as a Freshman. But he was able to eke out a family motto, thenceforth Spiche Regina Omnium Est. Here's to the prudent management of rickets, milady!

Perhaps that is enough by way of introduction; we wouldn't want to waste your valuable time.

VonGrinner has just started a blog. Welcome.